Dear Kita Libertine,
What does it mean when your guy keeps breaking up and making up with you?
Also, I get upset when he says ‘luv u /you.’ instead of ‘I love you’. Am I being anal?
– Salewa, 40, single, Lekki.
ANSWERS (several opinions consensus)
Well breaking up and making up is not healthy.
It’s a sign of settling. Save yourself! Run as fast as you can! This ain’t your man.
About the “luv you”. Unless this guy says I love you under normal circumstances, this is not a deal breaker- but the making up and breaking up is the main issue.
I don’t think the Lov u but is worth breaking up over. If it really bothers her, all she needs to do is to tell him how she feels.
She’s upset because he says “luv u” instead of “I love you”, right?
Did he say “I love you” in the beginning of the relationship and now suddenly, he’s replaced it with “luv you”?
Does he say, “I love you” to others but “luv you” to her?
Those are the only circumstances under which “luv you” could be a sign of something other that a simple choice of words.
If she explains what it means to him and he continues to say it then maybe he only loves her like a friend.
I still wonder if it’s a cultural thing… Where the definition varies from place to place…
English phrases have a habit of changing meaning from place to place…
… You know each person defines love uniquely.
– Wise chic, 40, married, Engineer, Arizona
I don’t understand breaking up and making up, sometimes it’s just silly things one does in a relationship, it may not necessarily mean anything, but you need to check other things and not isolate events, that will give you a clearer picture. Saying Love you and I love you, sounds the same to me,but then again, if you don’t get that feeling of been loved,from the way he says the words, then talk to him about it, tell him the way you would love him to say it. If he can say”Love you” then he can also say”I Love you “. My opinion, but then again, the one in the relationship know better, maybe there’s a reason for insecurity, and need for your man to personalize the word, and you do need to check the emotions laced under the spoken word,because am a firm believer of “WORDs & ACTION,am not interested in your intentions,am not a mind reader,but I can tell the intent and content of your heart to a greater proportion by your actions, the words is just the icing…If you get my drift…😀
– Dorothy, 37, married, Sapele.
Honestly? I really don’t like it when my husband says Lov u instead of I love you. No.
Also breaking up and making up doesn’t make sense.
– Karen, 46, married, Romania.
I don’t like it, it’s not good. Lov u doesn’t sound genuine. Breaking up and making up is just wrong. It shows that the man doesn’t really love you. The question I need to ask the girl is why she keeps going back to him.
– Aunty Uzor, 32, married, Lekki.
The breaking up and making up…When guys do dat, they want to put d lady on d fence. Let d lady know ‘I-can-leave-anytime syndrome.
I did it one time. Wen I wanted to leave dis girl who kept crying over me.
I wanted to make it easy to take a walk.
I had asked to end things, but she wudnt hv dat.
So I had to give her a soft landing.
Very soon, dat lady will shock d guy and kick him out. Its wrong to toy wit a lady’s feelings but it was my way of making her dislike me @ some point.
About the Lov u, love you… It doesn’t suggest much. Its not a case of always calling her pet names like baby, sweet, darlyn, all d time bcos it wud hv suggested he has many girlfriends and doesn’t want to make d mistake of misplacing d names.
So maybe dats wat dat person is worried abt. That he doesn’t rili mean it.
Wen we luv, we always wanna be around d person.
– Chuka, 36, single, lagos
Constantly breaking up and making up sort of points to a more spontaneous relationship flow
Something without permanence in mind but yet with a strong sense of it
Those sort of relationships are highly charged with emotions
Could be volatile
Or just may be the individuals have more need for freedom
Yet have a deep need for each others company …..in doses
They dose their togetherness and also their “apartness”
The 2nd question about the choice of words
I think it does not really matter
Saying those words in a certain way does not mean that the feelings are true
The words might just be the right kinda opium for the ego
Who seeks more than just those words…may even seeks other sub surface needs like attention
…a need for a certain routine. Or may be fulfilling the need to act our certain fantasieS
-Ian, 36, married, artist, Ikeja.
If a guy keeps breaking up and making up its simple, he’s playing around. Also he’s not ready to settle down but when he is ready you are one of his top options.
It’s neither a good nor a bad thing since women also have their option A and B also.
She should take her heart else where. If he wants her enough, he will show it. But remember that men have ego, so try not to make him grovel as she may lose him for good.
If you like this guy, we need to play the game Annie Macaulay used for Tuface Idibia. 😊
More on that game later. And of course it worked.
-TJ, 38, married, On air personality, Lagos.
What do you think of these various responses from varied people from different walks of life?
And what is your own opinion?
Feel free to comment below.