FIANCÉ RELATIONSHIP Q&A

 

imageQUESTION:
My fiancé just met my mother for the first time as my mother lives in London and just came to Nigeria to visit.

My fiancé came to meet her at my place where she was staying and all was rosey until my boss informed me I had to travel to abuja on urgent business. I begged my fiancé to stay with my mum for the week That I would be away to help her out and keep her company as she is an elderly woman.
My fiancé bluntly refused to do so.
I have been upset with her since then and I’m considering breaking up with her. In your opinion is this a good enough reason to break up with her or am I over reacting?
How I see it, is that she may not be welcoming or accommodating to my family members in the future. And I’m afraid of this.

Aside from this, my fiancé also pushed me to buy a puppy for her, so I did. To my surprise she abandoned the puppy in my care and never took care of it. When I insisted she take the puppy to her home and care for it as it was supposed to be hers not mine, she finally took it, only for me to hear that it had died of neglect a week later.

The final thing she did that pissed me off also was when she went shopping with my mother to buy cutlery and items for my house.
The cutlery that was bought could not be found in my house and weeks after my mother kept asking for the cutlery my fiancé finally confessed that she had given the cutlery to her aunty whom she lived with.

Big E, 33, marketing communications, lagos.
ANSWERS

Whats is happening is not strange and it just says both the man and woman now need professional counselling in their relationship before tieing the knot officially.
BigvE, A man must always protect his woman from his family and everyone else.
Every mother believes no one is good enough for her child.
It’s unwise to force his fiance to bond with his mom.
It’s also not that important actually in reality as the marriage is between them both.
A man will leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife.
If they bond, then it’s good. If not then it’s up to the man if this is important enough to leave the relationship. Remember the relationship is between both the man and his fiance not the fiance and his family.
A wise man will separate both and clinically build then one at a time.
So No the initial isn’t a reason to leave the relationship.
About the puppy, she may have been emotional to ask for one. Many women don’t know that caring for a puppy is hard work. Movies don’t portray this. PS. men will deal with a lot of fantasies women acquire from movies and telemundo channels.
About caring for the puppy, he could ask her reasons before making a decision.
About the shopping for the cutlery, if she paid for this, she can do what she wants with it.
If he or his mom paid, she should have asked before giving it out.
Sounds like this relationship needs more communication to build trust.
Big E should speak with her more and ask her more questions to get her to open up.
Also since they are engaged, they should be in counselling to answer tough questions like finances, family, children, faith and religion before they marry.
It’s time to officially go for professional counselling.

– TJ,38, on air personality, Ikeja
Hmmm. Interesting.
If he is feeling funny about those instances then he should let her go.
It is most likely she will exhibit more of those tendencies in the future
He can also talk about it with her.
– Ian, 36, artist, married.

Adults usually don’t change or get better when it comes to the issues listed above so if you’re looking for a nurturing female who has your best interest at heart, you’re with the wrong woman. It’s time to move on.
– Wise chic, 40, married, Arizona
Maybe, she’s just been cautious about hanging around your mum alone. From your explanations, she seem to be a self centered person, can’t be bothered about anyone else or anything for that matter, not reliable, and doesn’t attach any importance to anything.
She’s probably a nonchalant person. So it’s for you to decide if you can accommodate her flaws.
– Dorothy, 38, married, Warri.
Wow.
Are babes really like this?
And a lot of nice girls out there are Still single?
She obviously is in it for something other than love. She is not interested in him or his family hence her giving the cutlery to her aunt.
She has no regard for him or she would have cared for his mum
Or even pretend to care.
– Precious 42, single, Lekki.
Hmmmn. Well, the first incident about d fiance’ staying with mum didn’t say what her reasons were for refusing. Some ladies are not sociable, some have background notion of mother n laws and terrified abt the fact that dat d visit cud me a litmus test if she’s fit to be a wife to her son. This doesn’t define her personality. I suppose dat if she speaks on why she does certain things like giving out the cutlery , den a proper decision can be made either to work things out or to split.
– Chuma, 35, single, Lagos.
Hmm,
My thoughts are:
Asking your fiancé to stay with your mum without prior arrangements, that could be a bit of a push.
But a reasonable woman would try and compromise if her heart is really in that relationship.

Asking for a pet and not wanting to bear the responsibility of looking after it? I see that as irresponsible, also very immature.

Stealing from someone you are meant to be planning life with… Na wao!!
I am not sure this person is ready for that relationship, her behaviour is sign of someone who is not ready to settle down.
Also this is a sign that the couple lack proper communication in their relationship, which would only lead to disaster if they get married.
That’s my honest opinion.
– Princess, 45, married, London.
Yes he should break up her.
It’s better to cut ties early.
Because she obviously isn’t ready to be a wife.
She won’t be able to take care of him,as she seems like a selfish person.
And taking things behind his back and letting it get to the point where she was pushed to finally confess? Thats very disappointing.
Now,its not been able to stand the mom,who knows what other character she has locked up?
Constant quarreling isnt healthy,so it’s better to deal with the hurt now than marry someone hoping they’ll change for good,what if she grows worse?
Saralyn Boyle, 24, single, Surulere.
What I also observed is that this guy is wasting precious time focusing on all of his woman’s faults. When he looks at her or thinks about her, are those the only things he sees or thinks about? If he sees no goodness in her character and behavioural pattern, why is he attempting to be committed to her to the extent of marriage?
He really needs to do a rethink and decide which way forward…
Still my personal opinion…
– Frank,44, single, SA
Hmmm!
1st of all she’s a negligence kind of person which is nt 2 good 4 her, 2 she will always please d fam Dan his own, 3 nt staying wit her is nt enuf reason 2 break up, cos love is tolerance n endurance.
– Natalie, 27, single, Lagos.
Well, he story didn’t say why she refused though. But the picture painted of this fiancé is puts her at the rather clumsy scale of things

They😂say 😂 love is blind and beauty only in the eyes of the beholder…. So I guess some guys might like it clumsy…sure not me.
– Happy Sammy, 30, writer, single.

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2 thoughts on “FIANCÉ RELATIONSHIP Q&A

  1. Well the evidence is clear for even a blind man to see. I reckon the woman does not regard her man to not be able to stay with the mum at the instance of her man. If we assumed she was busy and had to attend to other urgent or germane concerns, she should have just communicated her stance to her man and I am sure he would understand. As to taking things outside of her house into her aunts house, I reckon she is displaying a nonchalant attitude to her home; truth be told, she may have borrowed her aunt and forgot to retrieve it. Lastly on the issue of the poor pet who died, I really wouldn’t blame her so much for it because she actually asked for what she couldn’t manage and so is the case for most of us if we are honest about it. My advise to the brother is to actually review his criteria for a life partner and if the lady still checks it all or score a minimum 70%, he should continue with her. No matter who you pick, there will always be an issue and standing up to the issues and solving them is what makes relationship grow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the lady in question is rather childish, why would she run from sharing a closer bond with her mom in law to be? Then the puppy incident is just another silly behaviour , why would you ask for a pet and not try hard enough to keep it alive. Even wen she was at her wits end , she should have told her fiance. About the utensils, now thats very crude. That means when they are married, some of their properties , would be gifted to her relatives unbeknownst to the man. I think he should drop her now, some men see signs but they try not to acknowledge it.

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