SINGLE LADIES RELATIONSHIP Q&A

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QUESTION

Why do people assume that just because a lady of a certain age isn’t married,

that it means she must have a serious attitude problem?
ANSWERS
Sooooo…a woman hasn’t yet married at the age of say 37. I’m guessing that according to the majority that means she’s got issues? So let me ask this question: if tomorrow she suddenly gets married, does that mean she no longer has issues?
And does that mean that all the younger girls who get married exhibit spotless manners and behaviour?
And what about men of a certain age who haven’t married either? Do they also have issues?
Think about it.
It’s a shame that we live in a judgmental society where people feel free to look down on others and assume the worst without getting to know the person or the person’s situation.
And on Sunday or Saturday the same judgemental person will happily go to their place of worship. Feeling cool.
What kind of people are we turning into?
It’s the same way poor people in society are looked down upon and disrespected just because they have less than you do.
It’s the same way the blacks were once castigated as inferior to the whites.
It’s the same way men positioned themselves as superior to women.
Also there was a time teens with interest in football were all branded as good for nothing miscreants.
Artists were branded lazy, drop outs and musicians were looked upon as lacking seriousness and ambition in life.
It seems like we live in a world where people crave for a scape goat to bash at every point in time and derive some twisted, perverted sense of worth from belittling and abusing them…
This is becoming a very scary world.
What next?…
In fact I suspect there’s a male cult following out there that just makes up these silly rules in order to scare/intimidate women into striving to be “wife material.” (Who even coined that phrase must be flogged) and to keep her submissive.
#irefusetobewifematerial
I am a person not a phrase.
– Philosophical Meg, 34, single, NYC
Why do people always assume that a black cat creeping their neighborhood wall at night, close to the trash can is witchcraft?
People will always assume…nice write up by the way…
– Happy Sam, single, 30, writer, Lagos.
Same reason a 38 year old man still living in his parents house is looked down upon.
Societal dictation of progressive development and Spectrum analysis of gender based hierarchy of human needs.
– TJ, 38, married, On air personality, Ikeja
I would like to also add my views to the discussion about the fact that women who are educated, opinionated and very fierce have the tendency to be very choosy and somehow tend to intimidate and scare off potential suitors! 🙈
– Frank, 44, single, SA.
Its a wrong assumption but most times true. Ladies sometimes aim very high and wen it falls short, they reduce their standards and settle for less than the best. My advice is, beauty doesn’t end in physical looks. Every lady shud strive to be marketable. Get an education, or a skill, be a true African woman with domestic abilities and more importantly be self reliant. That way, a woman will be sought after much so that even at dat ‘certain’ age, she’ll still have suitors.
– Chuma, 35, single, maritime, Apapa
To answer your question, it’s cos the average Nigerian is a busy body.
They are so opinionated. Always have an opinion on things they have no knowledge of.
Also, the stereotype thing that people always fall into.
That a woman should be married at a certain age. Who defined the age sef? And what if I am not ready at that age?
Anyways, people who say these things usually fall into this categories : 1. Chauvinistic men 2. Men who lack self confidence 3.married women who feel gratified by their status.
4. Frustrated Married women who are secretly gloating at the fact that a ur not married and are looking for an excuse to preach to you and rub it in.
And the fear that this single, independent, beautiful woman just might steal her hubby.
If you go for all these married shindigs like kiddies parties etc. And ur single. Wow. The way the spineless men will dodge you eh? AaaaaAnd the way their wives will be shooting daggers at you.
Yes!
It’s horrible!
Instead of having a good time.
Then making you feel self conscious as if u committed a crime by being single.
Not every woman needs a man to justify who they are.
What annoys me the most are the men who say you are being picky or looking for a ready made man! When u suffer with them when they are nothings and when they arrive, they move to younger ones.
And then some idiot, who doesn’t know ur story will come and say you have issues.
I have a lot of female friends and sisters who have gone through this.
And myself too.
After all some women have suffered trying to find love, it hurts when people generalise and blame them.
People are so mean to single women who have gone above the so called marriage age limit.
If knowing what I want and taking no crap from men means that I have an attitude problem, then yes! I’ve got attitude and I’m proud!
A good man will love you and respect you as you are and even admire your strength.
Thank God I’ve got a good man.
– Pamela, 42, married, Banker, Ikeja.

 

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Because it means she won’t take bullshit from men… and they don’t like that.
That’s what they call “attitude”
But some of them may have a serious attitude problem tho…
– Simon, 46, single, France.
Okay. About your question
I am guilty of it. I fear being single again because I believe that “all the good ones are taken”.
It’s psychological and not necessary related to the one left behind as it is related to not wanting to have what’s left behind.
ex. You go grocery shopping and see only a few tomatoes left on the stand.
You dig in with the thought that those who came before you took all the good ones and now you’re left with what thy didn’t want.
While there could’ve been a few good ones left, your expectation is lowered.
Now back to the question.
About still being single at a certain age?
Those may be the smartest one’s yet.
Why? Because you know what you will not settle for. That’s impressive. So many married early or several times and still are not at peace with their decision.
– Wise chic, 40, married, Arizona
” soceital expectation is for a wife to be submissive”
Therefore, a good wife material is a submissive woman so when a woman is strong willed or less submisive she is perceived as an unsuitable wife material. When a woman is not married, those who are entrenched in the dictates of soceital expectation, will assume she is hard headed, stubborn, bad attitude and bad wife material.- Ian, 36, artist, married, Ikeja
Well in most cases the lady definitely has attitude wahala,and for some they can’t seem to find the ‘right one’ ,no guy they come across is ever good enough,they must be dissatisfied with something,while some feel they are better off without a husband,as they see it as been caged,which to them is totally unnecessary and not worth it,so it is different things. Its just the attitude problem that people are quick to refer to.
Although some people can’t handle a woman who knows exactly what she wants,who dosent tolerate shit,then they say she has an attitude problem,when in fact they are the ones not man enough.
At times They don’t know if the person has had horrible relationships and isnt ready to go thru that for the main time.
Ppl just assume there is something wrong with the lady.
– Saralyn Boyle, 24, single, Surulere.
I have a lot of female friends who are having a very rough time of their marriages. A lot of them regret rushing into marriage at a very early age.
They admit that they had no idea what they were getting into.
Some of them have not had sex with their husbands in years.
Some are divorced or separated.
They envy me because I am still single and still have a choice. They encourage me to take my time and not rush into marriage. They encourage me not to listen to the society.
These women confide in a few loyal friends like me.
On the surface they plaster fake smiles on their faces and go about their daily duties.
The world thinks they are happy wives, home makers.
Is there a certain age to be married? I don’t think so. I think it’s a personal thing that differs from person to person.
We all need to find and define our own paths and stop imposing our ideas on people.
After all this is not a Hitler society.
– Anonymous
Why do people assume that just because a lady of a certain age isn’t married, that it means she must have a serious attitude problem?

Society creates a pattern of thinking, that stereotype people.
Most of the time, it is the opposite sex that find it hard to accept the fact that some women have a standard of morals they always put first in any relationship.
Sometimes singleness is something to embrace and enjoy, a time learn to be content with oneself before getting into a life long commitment.
Society has made it a stigma that women must be married at a certain age, otherwise there must be something wrong with her.
A lot of marriages are failing because of the pressure of not understanding each other before getting married.
I know women are conscious of biological clock ticking, but women who have gone through more life experience before getting married usually make better wives.
This is because they become emotionally ready to face the ups and downs that comes with marriage.
Society tends to classify everyone into categories, this is not right.
You may find women with attitude single, that could be of any age, so society have no right to stigmatise women due to age.
My people say ” old wine na em sweet pass” 🙂 ☺️
– Princess, 44, married, London

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8 thoughts on “SINGLE LADIES RELATIONSHIP Q&A

  1. Its sad that this generalisation, albeit hasty did not crop up from thin air. It is indeed true that some of the affected ladies do indeed have a nasty attitude, you could also say a “know it all attitude”. Especially those who are reasonably comfortable. And this attitude repels men, when you make a man feel that he can add nothing to your life, then he would really not want to be a part of it, at least permanently. And we wont leave out the part that there are some in this set of women, who indeed are not interested in the bonds of marriage. Like i said previously, its not a myth that some ladies who are yet unmarried have serious attitude problems. Looking at convo from some people, why would you think married women shoot daggers with their eyes cause you are looked at by their hubbies ( no1 attitude) why do u think the men are really looking at you? ( no 2 attitude) or why do you think because your “so called confidants” have issues in their marriage, then you are lucky to be unmarried? ( that is serious ish)

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  2. @ anonymous, I can clearly see that you are one of those women who feel wholly blessed to be married and at the right age. In fact, you reek of their perfume. You have also assumed that I am single and therefore have, as you put it ‘ish’ (attitude). You have based your entire tirade on an assumption. I am one of those who got married after the so called ‘marriageable’ age. I suffered some of the stereotypes. I am extremely comfortable {as you put it} and my hubby knew that before he stepped up to me. If anything, my comfort defined the kind of man i want. As for those who do not want to marry, don’t they reserve the right to that choice? Or are you going to chuck that up to another case of ‘ish’ just because they don’t need to be married? And just out of curiosity, are you going to pretend that you don’t shoot daggers at the happy go lucky single babes that you know your husband is oogling while he is sitting right beside you? All men stare babe, you just have to be confident {or have the right attitude}. And yes, as I said earlier – I have attitude and I am proud!

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    • @Pamela i liked your reply, just so u know i have no beef with you. If you took “time” to read and understand my post, you would discover that i left some people out of my “rant”. Funny enough its people like you who really shoot daggers at young girls. A young married woman would hardly shoot daggers at an old single lady ( lol) . Sometimes youth comes with confidence or don’t you think? #insert smiling smiley.

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      • Anonymous: contrary to your first statement, your reply to me was packed like an American double whopper ‘beef’ burger. But… Na social media we dey and it’s all good. I dunno about you but I’m young and confident and I’ve been confident since I was much younger than I am. But to your point, youth comes with bumbling overconfidence, a certain braggado that most times has no substance until a few certain lessons are learnt which makes one much wiser and confident. I’ve never been classified as ‘old’ not even by the younger generation – again, you have assumed. And babe, old single women are sexier and exude a certain allure that men find irresistible,dont let your be your only weapon. Glad to know you have confidence – that’s the right attitude {insert winking smiley here 😉

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      • Hahaha its good to see that this is ending on a good note. “Single women are sexier and exude….irresistible ” ( laughing so hard here) not irresistible enough to make life time partners . I guess at certain stages in our lives, we tell ourselves lies, whatever makes you sleep at night though! Bumbling overconfidence may indeed be more preferable .

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      • @ anonymous – Sigh! Again, you have assumed that a single lady over the so called ‘marrieageble’ will never end up with a husband. As I mentioned several times before and you have continually refused to remember, I am already married. But, I was right, you are one of those that gloat at single women who haven’t yet found a life time partner. If it validates you, be my guest. #youretoodolotounderstand.

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  3. Seeing this replies , i am afraid i have to give my two cents. Just if you all are thinking that men stare at single unmarried women , you may be wrong as married women look really good. Married women are finer these days, if i may say hotter. Please lets clear this conception of men always looking at unmarried ladies.

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