THE “EX” RELATIONSHIP Q&A

 

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QUESTION
My girlfriend thinks am talking about my ex a lot in conversations

and that am defending her and her people a lot even though she was not very good to me. I was with her for 15 years and we split up two years ago. My present girlfriend believes I may still have feelings for my ex while I told her many times I don’t and am sure I don’t. … Could this be true?

 

ANSWERS

So far the guy doest have any souvenirs from the ex…then he is good
Guys love to keep souvenirs from exes.
Might’ve been a necklace or a gift.
A guy can only move on when he doesn’t talk about his ex anymore…why is he even defending her…the new girlfriend is his queen now…ex is ex that’s why it’s call ex…and we all know how many dictions ex can be generated with…excommunicated extinction experience. .hmmmm
My rule.
– Timmy, single, 36, designer, Surulere.
Yes!!!!
– Chudi, 29, single, Yaba.

 

Certainly
True Love is eternal
Just calling it “feelings” my be over simplifying the situation between a lot of people.
Some build much deeper bonds than others regardless of how long they spent together.
In such cases, the relationship will always be there, along with feelings, goodwill and genuine care.
If the real question is if these 2 will can have sex, then the answer is certainly yes!!
Sex or any other act of intimacy comes natural to certain relationships whether is agreeable or not.
The level of depth and attraction is key to each situation .
– Desmond, 37, Entrepreneur, Married, Allen Avenue

 

Yes oooooooo….they spent good times togeda…15 years!
That can’t just be washed away
It’s like 15 years of half-marriage
I still can’t forget some wild times I had with xss
I sometimes wish I cud draw back the hands of time and sip a bit of it.
But the truth is that she won’t be comfortable about him celebrating his ex.
I won’t too as a guy.
He should stop kia kia and let all those memories rest in his belle.
I did it once and my present girlfriend went looking for my ex to ask questions cos she felt I might still go back to her.

– James, 42, married, Ikeja

 

I do believe the guy still has feelings for his ex- girlfriend. 15years is a long time to be with someone and he can’t possibly just wipe out her memory just like that. He should have given himself more time to get over her before jumping into another relationship. He needs time to heal and get over her before he begins another relationship. His present girlfriend just needs to be a little more patient and understanding towards her man.
– Trina, 37, divorced, Ca.

 

Yup. I agree. 15yrs is a long time to declare irrelevant or non existent. The present girlfriend should appreciate this and if she feels threatened, speak to him about and get assurances. She shud look at d brighter side…her boyfriend seems like a one man-one woman kind of man. So exploit it.
I agree. However d feelings cud be out of respect n appreciation.
For d past.
I hv an ex dat way…but I dnt talk abt it. In my heart, I still appreciate her.
– Carl, 34, single, Marina.

 

If they were not married after 15 years then the guy committed more wrong than the lady and deserves what he got.
If they were married then he’s a big fool to divorce her.
Before marrying her he must’ve seen the signs. He simply chose not to see the signs that she had some issues and still went ahead and married her. Maybe because he was too in love with her to cut her off.

People have no idea the importance of who they choose to marry. That’s a decision that has the power to make or mar destinies

You don’t make those decisions just based on how you feel about a person.

So after you make a decision to marry someone you should stick with it.

I don’t believe in divorce. Unless the spouse is dead, remarriage is out of it.

But any good man will defend his (ex)wife or girlfriend no matter how flawed. So in this regard he is a good man.

He does well to continue defending his ex wife in front of his girlfriend, and should continue to do so. She on the other hand should decide what exactly she wants from this man.

I refuse to believe that there are not enough men for a woman to go after or choose a divorcee.
– Tony, 36, publicist, Lagos.

 

15 years is a looooooong time
15 yrs is a lifetime for some people
It’s only natural to still have some kinda feelings for the ex
Feelings don’t get erased just like that
They linger
She is probably right
But that doesn’t mean it’s bad thing
As long as long as one stays focused on his new lady love, those feelings actually show he is decent humane and above all things he cares deeply about people
A quality missing in most people these days.
But 15 years…
Hell…
That’s like finding ur way around a new city after moving from one where u lived all ur life
– Ekene, 38, copywriter, Egbeda.

 

He might be over the girl for real but subconsciously not,he was In love with her and also very fond of her,15years aint no joke,its not easy to get over someone u once Loved, might also be that,he’s still very much inlove with her
– Saralyn Boyle, 26, single, Surulere.
To be fair, it would be a miracle for you to wipe out memories of someone you have been in a relationship with for 15years.
So there should be accommodations for her popping into your conversations, also it is natural to defend someone you have been with for that long regardless of their behaviour. But…. Are you defending her on things you know she did wrong?
If yes, that is another food for thought…..
If you defend her on things you know she did right, that is normal good standard in any relationship.
If you defend her knowing within you that you are covering her faults, you need to ask yourself an honest question that you alone can answe correctly.
When we break up with someone, we know it is finished within us, if we are honest with ourselves we would know if there is still feelings for the other person.
Those feelings might be because we have spent so much time together and in turn miss that person not being there, but if you are in a new relationship, you would fill content and fulfilled with your new partner.
So you alone can be honest with yourself to face the brutal truth.
Hope this is helpful for you to reflect on and decide where you thing you stand.
– Princess, 44, married, London.
First of all this guy doesn’t even know how he feels about his ex or better still he’s in denial. There’s nothing wrong with him defending his ex and her family, if something wrong was said about them. They were together for 15 years that’s the a long time to pretend you don’t know someone, nonetheless I think he should watch himself if he’s overly defensive of the ” ex”.
– Dorothy, 39, married, Sapele

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