QUESTION: Dear Kita Libertine, Is it okay to play love games with men in order to make them fall In love with you and end up marrying you?
A new study has found that most men prefer women to look ‘natural’. But how natural exactly?
“99% of couple trouble comes from not being 100% present.” You need to really listen to your partner, so that it is safe for them to tell you what they need. In being 100% present to them, and in meeting their needs, you benefit at least as much as they do.
The alternative to a power struggle is to compassionately ask for what you need and to empathically give what your partner needs, in other words, to consciously collaborate with your unconscious purpose to overcome your childhood adaptations. Imago therapy teaches you how to do this, in safety, and with respect.
This may bring you to the third stage of an intimate relationship. The first stage (romantic love), is when you want the other person. The second (the power struggle), is when you want the other person to satisfy you. The third, “real love”, is when you want what is best for the other person.
Your romantic relationships will typically progress through two distinct phases —
- The “romantic phase”: you have an expectation of need fulfilment and a euphoric feeling of completeness when your partner supplies the lost parts of your self. Cupid shoots a dose of Phenylethylalamine directly into your brain. You feel like the darling child in an ideal family.
Why do you fall in love with particular people? According to Imago theory, you seek to recreate the conditions of your childhood so that you can use your adult competance to complete your developmental tasks and grow up — in other words, to finish your childhood. As Ben Hecht said, “Love is the magician that pulls a man out of his own hat.”
Discover the reasons for your repetitive love patterns, love attractions and relationships.
It could be related to your childhood experiences and your first contact with love and care from your early carers.